Beanie Babies

I'm only 20 years old and I've lived through some fads. There is a difference between an innovation like say like the internet, ipod, cellphone that catches on and reshapes society and propels itself into the future and will probably exist or at least inspire future technologies for as long as the world as we know it exists. Then there's Beanie Babies. From the time I was 8-12 people bought Beanie Babies like they were stocks. People talked about how they were going to be worth a fortune some day. People were taking money out of their 401K's and CD's to invest in Beanie Babies because someday they were going to be able to retire early because in 1998 they were smart enough to buy a tub of Beanie Babies. People would buy hundreds of these things and a few years later it was like waking up from a drunken haze saying, not sure why you did what you did. "I think I sold my vital organs and first born child for some and felt and bb's." I was young so I don't know how serious people really took this. I can't imagine some broker at Edward Jones telling someone, "You really need to diversify your portfolio and you don't have any reptiles. I can get you a good price on Hissy." The Ty Company were geniuses of marketing, I'll give them that. but the actual product was crap. Basically, it was a generic looking stuffed animal, given names that a 5 year old could come up with. Somebody thought to name a lion Groowwl. I imagine they were going to name him growl but somebody suggested doubling the letters and got a raise. On the inside of the tags there was always a little poem about them. Again, not very controversial.

In the kitchen, on the prowl
Because I heard my tummy growl
I'll pounce just when I spy my prey
A thick and juicy rare filet !

The animal kingdom couldn't have been anything but insulted. Beautiful creatures, some that have been around longer than us and we come around and deduce them to this. Why is a lion in the kitchen? And if he is in the kitchen I hope he eats your dumbass for spending 80 bucks on a Beanie Baby. Last but not least they each have a birthday. What is the point of this? To have parties for them? I guess that's part of getting older. When you're young you celebrate inanimate objects birthdays. When you're older you forget everybody's birthday. Luckily, facebook fixes that which is why facebook is better than Beanie Babies. Although they do have their similarities. Beanie Babies make inanimate objects more like people and facebook makes people more like inanimate objects.

Madhouse in Madison

A lot of things probably come to mind when you think of Wisconsin. Cheese, of course (they love it so much it's their state's unofficial hat) Superbowl champion Green Bay Packers and of course, The Fonz. Here's something I didn't know until recently. Wisconsin has always been a pioneer among the states in the union as far rights for laborers and unions. They literally invented the weekend. Our economy's practically built on the weekend. People work all week to earn money so they can go blow it all on the weekend on beer, movies, clothes, and eating at Olive Garden. Wisconsin also was the first state to negotiate a 40 hour work week. So now it's ironic to see how determined their Governor Scott Walker is to essentially break up public employees unions. He's presenting this as a measure to put a dent in the state's 3.6 billion dollar deficit but democrat senators of the state are willing to agree that public employees should start paying more for their own pension and health care. Fine, ok, everyone's got to make sacrifices, fine, we get it. And then Gov. Walker says, oh, by the way we're taking away all collective bargaining agreements for you too. That's not balancing the budget, that's an attempt to destroy unions. Republicans gain a lot of power if unions would just go away. In the last election, of the organizations that gave campaign contributions, only two of the top ten contributors were democratic organization and they were both unions. It's pretty assured that whatever happens in Wisconsin will not stay in Wisconsin but there will be parade of state's in similar positions that will follow the cheeshead's lead, like Ohio, Indiana and California. If Wisconsin's public unions fall that will knock over the rest of the dominoes. No collective bargaining hand cuffs workers to be at the mercy of their employer and give them no room to negotiate labor conditions. Pissing off your workers and making them feel small, insignificant, replacable will not spur them on to be harder working. Probably the opposite. You want to piss off fire fighters, cops and teachers? The people that save you from a fire, protect you from thugs, and teach your kid to keep his hands out of his pants because you said he was just being curious? These are the core people of our society. And they're not asking a lot, just that they can have a dog in the fight when the government decides to screw them over again.

P.S. Only five states don't have collective bargaining rights for Educators. South Carolina, North Carolina, Texas, Georgia and Virginia. Here are the rankings for these states in terms of their ACT/SAT scores. 50, 49, 47, 48, 44. Happy Presidents' Day!

Cambob Predicts the Grammys

We're only about three measly hours from Grammy night. The Grammys are great because musicians are crazier than TV and movie people. If there's going to be an award show where someone gets played off the stage during their acceptance speech, not because it's too long but all the people they thank have nicknames that are considered profanity, it's the Grammys. Even though there's something like 120 categories, some in music genres that nobody but the artists in that genre, even know exist. Best Zydeco or Cajun Alubm? I'm pretty sure the cast of Princess and the Frog won that last year. The other thing special about the Grammys, it's more of a concert than an award show. Some of the best televised music performances of all time happen on the telecast and some of the weirdest combos of musicians perform together. Eminem and Elton John. Paul McCartney with Jay-Z and Linkin Park. As weird as it probably gets this year is Cee-Lo Green and Gwenyth Paltrow but there's usually surprises. Here are some of my predictions for tonight

Rock Album: Muse

Rap: Eminem will sweep all five categories unless Jay-Z sneaks a win for Empire State of Mind of Rap Song.

Best New Artist: The lines have been drawn and this is a Bieber/Drake showdown. Luckily, I'm pretty sure nobody under 15 can vote in the Grammys, so my money's on Drake.

Song of the Year: The big three are hard to pick. My gut goes with Lady Antebellum for Need You Now. How awesome would it be though to hear, "The Song of the Year is...Fuck You!

Record of the Year: Love the Way You Lie- Eminem

Album of the Year: Anything can happen, but the Mr. Mathers is the favorite. If Em can sweep the Rap categories like I think he will and the big three categories like I think he can he will tie the Grammy record for most awards in one night- 8, which only Michael Jackson and Carlos Santana have done.

Eminem is a general favorite but Lady Gaga could sneak up, Lady Antebellum's a boomer and especially in Best Album sometimes someone will rise from obscurity, like Herbie Hancock did a few years ago, so maybe The Roots and John Legend could do it. Having said I want to bookend saying, Marshall Mathers is the man to beat.

Rule: If an Album is nominated for Best Album it will win best (whatever genre album). For example Lady Antebellum is nominated for Best Album so they won't lose Best Country Album. That would be madness.

Enjoy the show, and if you watch the Grammys and get too worked up about the actual awards, you need to reexamine your life.

Donald Trump tells Obama, "You're Fired!"

Get ready to read that brilliant headline for probably the next year or so. If you paid any attention to the CPAC conference over the last few days, and I know you did, you know that the Republicans are sure a fun bunch. Did you see all the cowboy hats? Unfortunately Donald Trump was not one wearing one but he gave a stirring speech none the less in which he told the crowd he's seriously considering running for president but he'll decide by June. He talked about how China is ripping of the U.S. by marking their currency so low, american ingenuity and his favorite topic...Donald Trump. We could end global warming if we could some how harvest this guys ego into energy. A flick of the tongue he could power a suburb for the month.

I like Donald Trump though because he doesn't dance around anybody. Sort of like when in his speech he announced to the crowd that CPAC favorite Ron Paul has no chance to beat Obama in an election. Ron Paul has won the CPAC straw poll two years in a row but got rolled over in the primaries in 2008. Was Donald wrong? No, Ron Paul cannot win. It's not about Paul being a small time candidate and it's not like I don't think it's possible for a little guy to put a grass roots campaign together and take on the system. That's kind of what Barack Obama did. The difference is? Obama wasn't that radical. He was black and had charisma, two characteristics that no democratic candidate has had since 1996, but Obama was still pretty close to his home base. Ron Paul is out there. His own party's out of sync with him, so is his campaign to get rid of the IRS going to win over lefties in the general election?

Sorry, back to Trump. How often does a politician show up to what's basically the preseason for election season and tell the crowd, I am awesome this guy stands no chance? Who does that? Politicians are all about blowing smoke up people's ass and Trump won't don't that. Trump frankly might be in the same shoes as Ron Paul in that those who agree with him will love his straight talk (because people like straight talk as long as they agree with it) and then there will be those that don't agree with him or think that he doesn't share their values (I didn't realize he had any). It might be the double edge sword that comes back and takes a little off his top (we can only hope) but it should be fun to watch.

P.S. I can't wait to hopefully see primary debates with Sarah Palin and Donald Trump. Can we please just let Snooki moderate?

The Craiglist Congressman

In Washington today, Republican Representative Christopher Lee (no, not the 90 year old actor that every Hollywood studio has the legal obligation to give all roles described as evil and bearded to) has resigned from Congress. He saw an ad on Craigslist for some female companionship and he responded by sending her a picture of his own bare chest. Of course he's married and has a son. As soon as that photo was released by web snoops gawkers.com, the wheels were set in motion and Chris had no choice but to resign.

If you don't know what craigslist it's basically a website of classified ads in your city and surrounding areas, for things like romance, job openings, musical gigs and posting unsolicited pictures of your penis for the world's viewing disgust. Chris Lee's barechested portrait is about as innocent as any picture ever seen exchanged in the "casual encounters" portion of a website that's layout really does give it that creepy southern fleamarket vibe. Even so, he has decided along with the people that make most decisions for him, that he needs to leave immediately. And he did, because the Republicans in the hours before the dawn of a presidential election do not need another scandal bogging them down. You know, I've come to expect that if you're caught with your hand in the cookie jar or in this case, emailing the cookie jar to go for drinks, you're just going to have to end up quitting but is it that big of a deal? Morally, I think it's reprehensible that any one would try to cheat on their spouse. It spurns me, but now we've got to honestly ask ourselves how many members of congress are not probably boinking someone they shouldn't? I understand that when you're in politics you have to look like a superhuman with MBA from an Ivy League school, pearly white teeth and the picture perfect family, but the truth that seems to seep out most of the time is that these people are just as disgusting if not more so than anyone you know.

Politicians are not role models. Anyone who still thinks politicians are pure as a freshly fallen snowflake need to wake up and smell the yellow snow because to one extent or another they are all crooked people. For their job they need to be caniving, wheeling, dealing, silver tongued devils. And then due to the enormous pressure they will sometimes fall into substance dependence but more often a hooker's ass tattoo. They think they're entitled to do whatever they please, and that power has obviously has partially blocked blood from reaching the brain because they think no one will find out. They always find out. The media can be every bit as caniving and they usually get their man. So let politicians free of their obligations as moral statuettes. If they're good at their job isn't it better for the country to just let him go on skirt chasing and be thankful someone more pure and clueless doesn't take his place.

Oh Say Can, You Suck!

Everything at the Superbowl is over the top. That's why it's more of an American holiday than the fourth of July. It's sports, food, and commercialization, three things that our country does better than anyone else. We at least do it more than anyone else. The preliminary ratings say that roughly 111 million watched the Superbowl this year, making it the most viewed television program in the history of American television. A significant portion of the people that make up the 111 million don't know anything about football. They think a gridiron is something you make bacon in. But they will watch it because it's the party of the year. It's what people will be talking about. And those damn beer commercials where men prefer Bud Light over smoking hot women are just so true to life it's scary. (pssh) Americans love being a part of something big and the Superbowl is nothing if not big. Americans love their country so it's really no surprised that so many deeply offended at Christina Aguilera's "artistic" rendition of the national anthem. It was typical Christina style. A lot of wailing and smelling salt faces but there's no doubt the woman has tremendous talent. The singing part she had a handle on, the words she was supposed to sing...that proved a little tricky. Would it be a good idea to get the words right to your country's theme song in front of 111 million people? Who I am to say it's not. But I wouldn't blame Christina for her error. I personally blame the NFL for hiring a human to do the anthem. Next year, I pray they correct their mistake and hire a programmed robot to do the honors. Will.i.am would work just as well. I know nobody likes to be reminded on magical day like Superbowl Sunday but nobody's perfect. People say, but she's a professional, she should have rehearsed. Yes, I'm sure she went into sing the national anthem at the Superbowl without knowing the words because she's an adrenaline junkie. She's been singing the national anthem at sporting events since she was seven. I'm sure they were local hockey games and little league and stuff like that but the words are the same. Now imagine yourself standing in front of 100,000 fans, knowing another 100 million are watching at home, knowing that every continent is watching including the one guy that lives in Antartica are watching you, so in a way you are an ambassador unto the rest of the globe on behalf of your country. As humans do I'm guessing she got a little emotional and she repeated the line, "what so proudly we watched (it's really hailed) at the twilights...eeeh eeeh eeeh. It goes into a little Christina siren sounding phrase there at the end. She was supposed to sing "O'er the ramparts we watched, were so gallantly streaming." Do we need to make that big of a deal out of it? She repeated a line, it's not like she went all Borat at the rodeo on the song. She didn't sing a line from a Chevy jingle instead of the real words. Heck, Christina's screw up was the only thing that wasn't sponsored by Bridgestone or Doritos. Americans are known for making mistakes, and they're also known for improving based off of those mistakes. Maybe next year there could be a prompter for the singer, cue cards, crib notes, something. Before I sign off, be honest with yourself. When she messed up you knew the words right but for the life of you didn't know what the hell they were, did you? It's ok. You are beautiful no matter what they say.